It's Not About the Manicure

Today at my manicurist I did something I would have NEVER done a year ago: confidently, casually showed her a picture of a matte, bold, "skittle" manicure and asked how close we could get to it. (FYI: a "skittle" mani features a different color on each nail.) This might seem silly to those out there who regularly go wild with their nail artist and think nothing of asking for neon colors and seasonal illustrations. But for me, this was not only completely outside of my usual nail game but also went against every "rule" I had around this part of my self-presentation (despite that fact that I spread the "there are no fashion rules" gospel to everyone I interact with).

My rules for the last five-ish years have included: no red/purple/pink, no neon, no glitter, no designs of any kind. How I came up these is a total mystery. In college I wore reds exclusively on both my manicure and pedicure; in my early 20's I went through a big nail art phase; I had a nail polish Tumblr in the late 2000s on which I strongly advocated neons and accent nails. (Can we all take a minute to remember that glorious Tumblr heyday?). Maybe it had something to do with the image I felt I needed in my professional life, or what I thought best suited the "cool mom" vibe I chased. Regardless, I entered 2022 wearing greys/blues/greens almost exclusively. I stuck to what I knew worked, and even when I saw a trend I desperately wanted to try (rose gold chrome, sigh) I regated it solely to a Pinterest board and kept playing it "safe".

Most of us follow fashion rules because they DO offer us some benefits. Let's say the rule is "no cropped pants after Halloween"- that offers you guardrails when getting dressed, and helps you get ready quickly by eliminating pant options you might have otherwise spent time considering. Less choices = efficiency. (I have push back on this that I will save for another time, or an Insta story.) Rules can also increase our confidence when we are entering a situation that has a degree of uncertainty that might make us anxious. Wedding attire guidelines are a great example here. Usually we want to look great, not stand out too much, and dress appropriately for the theme/venue- but we don't know what everyone else might be wearing and thus whether we will fit in. Here, the bride directing "cocktail attire" helps guide us to choices that won't make us feel overdressed (we know we likely won't see ball gowns) or underdressed (we gotta do more than dark denim). Some people find "body type" rules helpful as well- and as a style professional, I even employ some of these myself (although again, there's a lot of grey area that I can't wait to unpack later). For instance- 'apple shapes shouldn't wear large prints'. That kind of rule can make shopping easier, as it once again eliminates choices and streamlines how many items you are sifting through when picking out clothing. For me, my nail polish rule was about my feeling of control: I wanted a look that was hip and distinctive (no traditional colors) but professional (no designs). I decided on a consistent palette of blues + greens because to me, they accomplished that goal.

So WHO then decides what is a "good" rule, or a "bad" rule? Good news...it's YOU! Personally, I entered this year on a mission to help others find their most confident and authentic style, and found myself wanting to get more creative with my own. I was feeling constrained by the style boundary I had set, and tired of wistfully admiring what OTHER people could pull off. In short, the negative (feeling resentful that I couldn't be as "fun" as I wanted to) was beginning to outweigh the positive (ease of choice, confidence in achieving my "look").

• A rule DOES work for you when: it gives you a strong sense of comfort and confidence in a situation that may otherwise trigger anxiety. (Ex: shopping, dress codes.)

• A rule DOES work for you when: it saves you a significant amount time. (Ex: shopping, getting dressed.)

• A rule DOES work for you when: you really do like following it!

• QUESTION ANY RULE: that is soley based on age, shape, size, or season.

• A rule does NOT work for you when: your self-expression feels constrained.

• A rule does NOT work for you when: you find yourself saying "I wish I could pull that off, but I can't because..." frequently.

So many fashion "rules" out there are just begging for you to break them: wearing white isn't dictated by national holidays, silver and gold jewelry can blend together beautifully, mixing prints can look so chic, denim-on-denim is a great look when the fit and proportion are right.

At the beginning of the year, I decided I could stop envying the bold-manicured gals and branch out a bit. It was seriously a written-down New Year's resolution of mine: "try some weird nails" was scrawled near the top of my list of 2022 goals. I dipped my toe into the wild side- a subtle ombre, then colored french tips, followed by a neon rainbow- culminating in my appointment last week where I had the *gasp* bravery to request MATTE nails of all things. I will admit that I don't love all the results I've had coloring outside the lines this year, but exploring life beyond the grey mani has been fun and freeing.

I still don't think you should wear white to someone else's wedding, but beyond that you have my full permission to throw out the rules and...make getting dressed fun again!